My Children Don’t Listen to Me.

Background

A mother expressed frustration that her children ignored her, and her husband dismissed her feelings. As we continue the conversation, it turns out that being ignored is something she has lived with her whole entire life. 

She shared a vivid memory from her childhood: at four years old, her mother sent her to a Purim party without a costume. Later, as a teenager, she was made to babysit on Yom Kippur despite not fasting herself. These moments left deep impressions, contributing to her feelings of being ignored and lonely.

After helping her to relax, I guided her subconscious to direct us to the source of these emotions. She recalled her mother yelling at her and consistently ignoring her wishes.

How do we help her?  - The process

In her imagination, I invited the woman she is today -that loving mother- to do some time travel. To go back in time to comfort her younger self.  She meets the little girl she once was, spending time listening to her and validating her feelings.

When I asked how her younger self felt, she said it was wonderful - her younger self felt loved, protected and safe. 

As I normally do, I invited her in  to spend as much time as she wants to keep coming back and visiting with her younger self. And to imagine that she does this as often as needed, reinforcing the younger child’s sense of love and safety.

Now, I invite her to travel to the future, to a moment where her children or husband are ignoring her. From this place of love, protection, and strength, I asked how she would respond. She described seeing herself calmly telling her husband, “This is what I need.” She imagined her family listening to her, respecting her needs, and responding with understanding. 

She discovered inside of herself the strength to share with her husband and children her needs without yelling or getting frustrated.

She described this newfound strength as sitting on a firm yet comfortable chair on the beach—fully supported, relaxed, and at peace, enjoying  the waves going in and going out.

And based on this session, she was able to apply her parental authority to her children. Her children now listen to her, and she was able to negotiate in a very pleasant manner with her husband. 

That is the conclusion of her story—a journey from feeling lonely to embracing her authority with calm confidence.